paper hearts are meant to unfold


vanessa, 20 years
Brampton, Canada.
Jamaican descent.
this is a personal blog,
I post what I like.



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the viewing.

Well tonight was my grandmother’s viewing at the funeral home. 5 long hours of all sorts of mixed emotions.. and LOTS and lots of people. Seeeeriously, there were all sorts of family and friends, including a ton of people who know me by name but who I’ve never seen before (or remember seeing) in my life. Awkward? Yes. Anyway.. seeing my grandma laying in that coffin was very unsettling, to say the least. Even after being deceased for almost 2 weeks, her body is still swollen, especially her face. I’m not going to lie, it was pretty traumatic. She didn’t even look like herself. Thank god the funeral tomorrow is closed casket. (Or else I’m going to bawl like a baby.)

I got to see one of my godmothers, my mom’s old friend Helen. I HAVEN’T SEEN HER IN YEEEEARS, and it was really really nice to catch up with her. I remember playing at her mom’s house back when we used to live down at Pape Village, painting Easter eggs and playing with her birds and cat, lol. (: She said that I was still adorable and had a very pleasant and cute personality. (A) LOL. And she thinks that I’ll make an amazing teacher. My mom’s ‘evil cousin’ is also staying over at our house (along with the other 50 billion people currently living in my home right now), and she’s actually not as bad as my sister & I thought she would be… a bit phonyish, but I can deal. My mom is being the perfect actress, as usual. Can I just mention that I miss having my room to myself, and not having to fight for the washroom? 

Also saw Yolisa, aka my ex-babysitter from back in the day, and my grandma’s friend’s daughter. She also brought her husband and their little baby, who is absolutely fucking adorable. I also need to say that Yolisa and her husband are too cute for words, such a beautiful couple. He has a really nice personality, a genuine smile, and you can really tell how much he loves her. He also takes care of her other 2 boys even though they aren’t biologically his kids. And did I mention that their daughter is cute as hell? I’ve decided that that’s the kind of relationship I want, definitely. I’m actually pretty fucking jealous. (AND HE PLAYS MAPLE STORY.)

Speaking of fathers, my dad actually came (for only a couple of minutes), and after much begging from my sister. He claims that “he doesn’t do well at these things”, which is understandable. Not to mention, he and my grandma didn’t exactly end things on a good note… but anyhoo. He brought me and Mykala food, which was very tasty, and got his share of hugs from family. I think my Aunt Iris was very happy to see him. He also gave me 2 hugs, saying “Yeah it’s okay, you can hug me.” Oh jeez LOL is that really necessary? Regardless of our *cough* problematic relationship, he’s the only father who I’ve ever known, because my other “father” (I prefer to call him a sperm donor) didn’t even care enough to stick around and watch his daughter grow up. Oh fucking well, his loss. This is why black men have such a bad reputation lol smh. Anyway, my mom says that I shouldn’t let the fact that they’re not together anymore “ruin our relationship” ummm mom, it was kinda ruined even when you two were still married, but whatevs.

There was also a slideshow that had all sorts of pictures of my grandma when she was younger, as well as pics of our family, and also some pretty embarrassing yet cute pictures of me… LOL I was quite the centre of attention when I was younger.

Anyway that’s about it. I didn’t really cry tonight, surprisingly, although I did tear up occasionally. But I have a feeling tomorrow will be filled with tears. Really looking forward to that, yep.


8 notes   Oct 13th, 2011  

  1. sunagainstmyskin posted this